Okay, well, here's the first draft. Any suggestions for edits?
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An April Fool's Day Limerick
On the first day of April each year,
I always get shivers of fear.
Will I get worms in my lunch?
Or flies in my punch?
Today's a good day to disappear OR It's best to be absent--that's clear!
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I don't like that last line (which is why I have two options, neither of which I like). So I reversed the whole thing. I'm still not sure if it works, but I think the last line is better.
What do you think of option B?
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An April Fool's Day Limerick
Some find this day filled with cheer,
but I find myself shivering in fear.
Will I get worms in my lunch?
Or flies in my punch?
It's the scariest day of the year!
Hmmm, I like parts of each limerick & am thinking on those...meanwhile, I sent you a message through your author site! Jane in St Louis
ReplyDeleteJulie, what do you think about the following? I kept your theme & tightened the rhythm in the middle & added a different last line--
ReplyDeleteOn the first day of April each year
I always get shivers of fear.
What? Worms in my lunch?!
Yuk! Flies in my punch?!
Perhaps I should just disappear.
I love limericks and when I was teaching, had my students do a LOT of creative writing including limericks. They are SO FUN!
Love it, Jane! Thank you so much for your suggestions. You've got a great ear for rhythm and you've added some really fun touches. Awesome! Revising is always hard, but ALWAYS pays off--especially with people making super suggestions. Thanks!
ReplyDelete